Marriage is the magic mirror of love, especially lovers who have been in love together, and couples who have infinite reverie about marriage. It will take less than two years for the marriage life to reveal its original shape, and then there will be all kinds of regrets. So I thought about divorce, thinking that changing someone would make a difference. Some people even think that changing a partner is no different from changing a job. But the work is not satisfactory, it is normal to continue to struggle in another environment, but such things as changing partners cannot be compared with changing jobs. Divorce means the breakdown of the family, involving the division of property and child support, and the loss of many years of relationship. It is not simply a matter of going through divorce procedures and changing a partner to live happily ever after. Mr. Liu is in his forties this year. He has a wife in her early thirties and a son who has just entered elementary school. He is a middle-aged man with a successful career, a beautiful wife, and a cute son. In the eyes of outsiders, they are a happy family. But in the seventh year of their marriage, their marriage broke down. His thoughts surged, recalling the past. When the two first met, he was already the boss of a start-up company, and she was still a pure and beautiful female college student. In an off-campus activity, the two fell in love at first sight and fell in love with each other. After three years of dating, she graduated and he proposed. In this way, the two entered the palace of marriage smoothly. Starting a business in a big coastal city, he has been renting a house, but she loves him very much and doesn’t mind this, and is willing to give up the comfortable life in her hometown and run to follow him. Mr. Liu is a very enterprising man. Not long after his marriage, he devoted himself to the business management. In the third year of marriage, his wife gave birth to a lovely son, and their relationship became closer. Soon, his wife joined his company and became one of its employees. The wife is gentle and virtuous, and keeps the house in order. She takes her son out to play whenever she is free, and devotes herself to her son’s education. At work, she is also very dedicated and responsible, always thinking of him. Mr. Liu’s company had financial problems, and his wife raised money from her natal family to support him. In the past two years, Mr. Liu’s business has grown bigger and bigger, and he needs more and more funds, but the income is meager. He feels a lot of pressure, often works overtime until late, and has no time to take care of himself. , haggard a lot. He believes that all his hard work in starting a business is for this family. It is reasonable to have no time to spend with his wife and children, and it is only temporary if he cannot afford a house. But the wife has her own grievances. She expects him to fulfill his promise and buy a house that belongs to them. She wants his care, companionship, praise, and respect, and wants him to spend more time with her son. But these expectations always turn into disappointments. Married for many years, many of his wife’s needs have never been met, so she got angry and slept in a separate bed with him. He has entered middle age, he is under a lot of work pressure, his health is not as good as before, and he is not interested in sex life, so he makes mistakes and doesn’t care about it. Therefore, they have been sleeping in separate beds, and the life of husband and wife is very disharmonious. At the end of last year, he found that his wife was suddenly indifferent to him and no longerTalk to him, and often find excuses not to go home, stay outside for several days, and sometimes take my son to stay in a hotel. Sometimes he asked her why she didn’t come home, and she seemed disgusted. One day, someone spread a rumor that his wife had cheated on her and that she was having a private meeting with a “baby face” in a hotel. He was in a hurry, so he kept calling his wife and asked her to send a location, which showed that his wife was indeed near a certain hotel. He hurriedly drove to the hotel to “catch the rape”, but when he arrived at the hotel, he only found his son and wife inside, and no one else. The wife was very angry at the time, and scolded him for not caring about her usually, but even believed the rumors and suspected her of cheating. In a rage, she ran to live at her best friend’s house, unwilling to go home, let alone see him. Within a few days, he suddenly received a divorce agreement from his wife. He was flustered, anxious and sad. He didn’t expect his wife to propose a divorce, so he hurriedly communicated with his wife by phone, WeChat, etc. Mr. Liu wanted to convince his wife with his own principles, taught his son to beg his wife in the wrong way, and called his wife every now and then in order to continue to check the post. These entanglement-style recovery made his wife feel even more bored. He began to reflect and felt that he had been focusing on his career over the years, ignoring his wife’s feelings, and his promise to buy a house had never been fulfilled, and he rarely had time to spend with his son. So he kept admitting his mistakes and begged his wife not to divorce him. However, this didn’t help. Facing divorce, Mr. Liu has long been unwilling to work and just wants to get his wife back as soon as possible. He knew that relying on his own methods to restore marriage would only make his wife more disgusted, so he immediately searched for professional marriage restoration agencies on the Internet, and after screening, he confirmed us. Why did the originally loving couple come to this point? Hello everyone, I am Ruoshui, a marriage counseling expert. I have been focusing on the marriage counseling industry for many years. Thank you for reading and meeting me through this article. I have been engaged in emotional counseling for many years, and I have found that many terminally ill marriages are “delayed”. The root cause is that many people lack reasonable and effective methods when encountering marital problems, which leads to intensified problems. For this reason, I specially made the card below. If you are not sure about your emotional problems, you can click on the card below to get the contact information for consultation and conduct a detailed consultation analysis. Partners in need can click to obtain. Interpretation from the instructor: 1. The work model replaces married life, ignoring the feelings and needs of his lover. Mr. Liu is the only child in his family. The education tradition of his parents has made him a male chauvinist and his personality has become strong. When he entered middle age, his parents were no longer alive, and he had no relatives to help him. The pressure became even greater, and he only wanted to get ahead. After marriage, he devoted himself to his career. He was in the top management of the company and was good at directing his subordinates to do things. However, he replaced his married life with his work mode, and became a leader at home. He communicated with his wife mostly by giving orders, and always hoped to be respected by his wife. He always bears the pressure of work and economy alone, and is unwilling to share it with his wife. He also takes his wife’s emotional investment and financial support for granted, thus ignoring his wife’s feelings and needs. his wife was also bornIn a traditional family, she was the second child and had developed a gentle and tolerant character. Therefore, in the early stage of marriage, she was willing to follow him, pay infinitely for him, and constantly endure his neglect and indifference. A few years have passed, and her patience has reached her own limit, as long as there is a “fuse”, it can be detonated. And the trigger was her husband’s investigation and suspicion of her betrayal of the marriage, which made her intolerable, and finally formed a cumulative outbreak of conflicts, forcing her to make the choice of divorce. 2. Wrong role positioning. Mr. Liu is 14 years older than his wife. His wife respects him as a leader and a father, but he treats his wife as a daughter and a subordinate. Getting along in such a bad relationship will lose the intimacy of husband and wife for a long time. In married life, the husband is the husband, and the wife is the wife, and the role positioning cannot be messed up. If two people play the role of father and daughter, or mother and child, it will cause wrong role positioning, which will only destroy the relationship between husband and wife in the end. 3. Marital life is not harmonious. Sleeping in separate beds is also living apart, and living apart will directly destroy the intimacy of the relationship between husband and wife. Mr. Liu is busy with his career and often stays up late. In addition, he is getting older and his health is not as good as before, so his desire is not strong. But the wife was still young, and it was the time when her desires were strong, but it was difficult to satisfy them. In addition, she couldn’t get the respect, care and company of Mr. Liu, so she slept in a separate bed with him in a fit of anger. Compound plan: Considering the special circumstances of Mr. Liu’s wife’s eagerness to divorce, I conducted emergency crisis intervention in the process of instructing him to recover, timely analyzed and accurately positioned, and formulated a detailed recovery plan, and based on the other party’s response , Make changes and follow-ups in a timely manner. The fastest way to save a relationship on the verge of crisis is not to change the other person, but to change yourself. When the other person’s heart is not on you, it is not to force change, let alone to blame the other person for not loving, but to find yourself, constantly shape your own value and attractiveness, and give the other person a high-quality lover again. To change yourself, you first need to have a healthy heart, self-respect and self-love, and see the truest feelings and needs deep in your heart. Changing yourself also means changing your views on your partner and relationship. For love and married life, the higher the expectations, the greater the gap and the more conflicts. If you are experiencing a major emotional crisis in your marriage and need professional help, you can click the card below to get the consultation contact information, conduct a detailed consultation analysis, and formulate your exclusive intimate relationship restoration plan. 1. Enhance internal and external values Mr. Liu’s machismo thought is biased, lacks the ability to love, does not know how to manage emotions, does not understand the needs of his wife, and does not know how to deal with stress problems. It can be seen that his intrinsic value, especially his emotional value, is low. And he is busy with work, often stays up late, looks vicissitudes, haggard, and does not know how to dress himself, so his external value is relatively low. Internal: To learn how to get along with the sexes, you can read more books and articles related to emotions, and improve the ability to love and manage emotions through course learning. External: Learn to take care of your own image, comb your hair, shave your beard, and change your clothes, plan your fitness, adjust your posturebreath, which can help him to have a healthy lifestyle, as well as a vibrant, youthful appearance. 2. Change family roles. I taught him the correct model of getting along in marriage, helped him switch from the role of leader and father to the role of husband, and treated his wife as a lover, not a subordinate or a daughter. In the face of complaints and dissatisfaction from his lover, what a man has to do is to learn to be grateful, learn to share, learn to understand, learn to praise, and learn to “throw me a peach and repay it with Qiongyao”. The more wronged, sad, and emotional your woman is in front of you, the more she cares about you. She is permeated with the innate maternal love factor in her bones, worrying about the family and you day and night, this is a kind of dedication of love. She is willing to bear it, but she hopes that someone will share it with her, and she is more eager to be recognized and grateful by her lover. In her heart, the most basic love needs are actually your care, understanding, respect, love, recognition and comfort for her. The first way for a man to successfully meet a woman’s needs is to communicate. To listen to a woman’s feelings without getting angry or frustrated, so that she can express herself with a sense of security is the best gift for her. To win back the other person’s heart, you have to look at the other half with appreciation as you did when you were passionately in love. When you can always see the goodness of the other person, you can open her closed heart. No more fantasies, no more pickiness, no more attempts to change the other party, but appreciate the other party’s strengths wholeheartedly, and accept the other party’s shortcomings unconditionally. Love her for who she is, not what you imagine her to be. In the face of your partner, you can express more appreciation and acceptance for him, and less critical criticism; pay more attention to the other party’s strengths and less attention to the other party’s shortcomings; affirm the other party more and deny the other party less. Although these principles are popular and the moves are simple, they are powerful. In the process of saving an endangered marriage, they can promote cooperation and feedback, reduce counterattacks and confrontations, promote a virtuous cycle of relationships, and reduce the possibility of a vicious cycle. 3. Start from the details to meet the real needs of the other party. The wife’s accumulated dissatisfaction over the years requires Mr. Liu to impress her with details. During this period, I instructed Mr. Liu to take good care of and accompany his son, making breakfast, cleaning, tidying the room and so on every day. During this period, when the wife returned home because she missed her son, she would find the house clean and tidy, and see little changes in Mr. Liu. But she will still be defensive and unwilling to sleep in the same bed with him. Before the two fell out, they had already booked tickets for a long trip and scenic spots. During the family trip, I also continued to guide Mr. Liu to start with the details, such as helping his wife pull a suitcase, helping his son with a backpack, etc., to reduce his sense of need, meet his wife’s needs, and give her enough respect and care. After returning from the trip, the relationship between the two has initially eased. During the Spring Festival, I asked Mr. Liu to take the initiative to follow his wife back to her natal home for the New Year. Her attitude changed significantly and she agreed to let him go back to her natal home with her. During the Chinese New Year, he followed my guidance and discussed everything with his wife, including buying gifts, giving gifts, organizing Chinese New Year activities, and so on. Later, he also talked with his wife about business planning, plans to buy a house, and so on. When he came back from the Chinese New Year, he announced the good news to his teacher, saying that his wife would no longer sleep in the same bed as him, and thatCaring for him as before, and tearing up the divorce agreement, no longer mentioning the divorce. On Valentine’s Day, the two also exchanged gifts, talked about their relationship again, and their relationship became sweeter and stronger! Message from the tutor: When your relationship is in crisis, all you can do is go through the past and remind yourself that this is a homework for growth. Stop obsessing about changing the other person, but actively learn and grow, see yourself and the other person through the relationship between you, and turn your attention from attacking yourself and the other person to creating and acting, so that you can cultivate the true ability to be happy. There will always be bumps and bumps in a marriage for a long time. Once there are difficult problems in the relationship, you can seek professional help in time. In the process of repairing the relationship, you must actively cooperate with the professional guidance of the consultant, so that you can get twice the result with half the effort, instead of going your own way and ignoring the guidance. Grit your teeth and persevere, happiness is ahead! Written at the end: The final effect described in this article varies from person to person. Because everyone’s growth environment, personality, understanding ability, and handling methods are different, and factors such as problems, emotional encounters, partners or affairs are all variables, the dry goods and some cases we provide may not be applicable to you. What should be done in the process of repairing the intimate relationship, we can’t use words to fix the frame. If you are suffering from marriage confusion, you may wish to contact us, let us help you solve difficult marriage problems.
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