Yesterday afternoon, a question was raised in my college alumni group: “When a couple quarrels, how can they make up?”
Among them, the opinion of a certain male group friend is, “Cold treatment, calm down with each other for a few days, and they will naturally reconcile. Big things will be reduced, and small things will be reduced.”
This point of view is opposed by most female group friends. Their opinion is, “After a quarrel, I am most afraid of a cold war, and I am most afraid of ignoring others. Small grievances accumulate, and big ones explode.”
So, how can we quarrel without hurting the peace, and the more noisy we are, the more loving we are?
A few days ago, I just helped my student Xiaoli solve this problem, and shared her story with you, hoping to inspire you a little.
Xiaoli told me this way: My boyfriend and I met on a blind date. Under the urging of both parents, we hurried into the door of marriage after being together for half a year. When we first got married, we were sweet. We chatted and flirted on WeChat during get off work breaks. After work, we stuck together to go shopping and watch movies. On weekends, we made appointments to go hiking, hiking, and camping in the suburbs.
However, after about half a year of such a sweet and loving world of two people, I began to lose his love for me. I don’t know when it will start. He will not reply to my WeChat during work, and occasionally reply, but also with modal particles such as “okay”, “got it”, and “busy”. I felt very upset about this, and I also quarreled with him, but he told me to pay attention next time every time, but he never changed it once.
The more I thought about it, the angrier I became, and the angrier I became, the more I wanted to make things difficult for him. I started not washing clothes, not cooking, and occasionally going to the bar with my friends until late at night without telling him. When I saw him frequently sending me messages in the middle of the night, asking me where I was, I would not reply to his messages, and felt the pleasure of revenge.
Until one time, he sent me a message in the middle of the night asking when I would be back. I didn’t reply to him. Instead, I got drunk and was sent home by a male friend present. This angered him. That night, we had our first fight of our marriage. He called me a slut, who stayed out of the house all day, and was fooling around with men.
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