What should I do if the three views are not compatible? Does the three views mean that we cannot be together? I believe most sisters have encountered these problems. So how do you deal with it? Today, the editor will share my own views, let’s take a look at the way of getting along between husband and wife brought by the editor!
1. Understand differences and accept differences
First of all, you must know that it is very normal for the three views to be inconsistent. It can be said that there is no such thing as a completely consistent three views in this world The two, because of their different growth environments, personalities, and education, each formed a different attitude and way of thinking towards people and things.
So first of all, we must understand and face up to this difference. Don’t think that “if you don’t agree with the three views, you will break up”, let alone deny the other party’s ideas from the bottom of your heart, this will definitely cause quarrels. Always keep in mind: there is no right or wrong in the three views, and it is normal for the other party to have different ideas.
×”Our three views are different, we definitely can’t be together”
×”How can you think so? How can there be people like you?”
√”You have your own ideas, and I have mine. Instead of arguing about right and wrong, we should discuss a solution.”
2. Respect each other and not slander each other
There is a saying that is quite correct: I love Western food, you love hot pot, this is not called the Three Views disagreement;
Therefore, most of the conflicts caused by the disagreement of the three views are caused by one party accusing or even slandering the other party from the moral high ground, which will naturally intensify the conflict.
After all, there is no right or wrong in the Three Views. Even if you can’t agree with them, you must at least respect the other party’s right to have different ideas. There is no possibility of alleviating the contradiction.
× “I always buy clothes when I have nothing to do, it’s a waste of money and looks bad.”
√ “I personally don’t like to buy clothes all the time, but I don’t care if you buy yours.”
3. Think in another person’s place
Sometimes you can’t understand even if you respect the other person’s ideas. It is still easy to quarrel. At this time, you can try to think differently, think about the problem from the perspective of the other party, and try to understand and agree with the other party’s thinking. At least understand that the other party’s thinking is reasonable, so that it is possible to further run in and avoid quarrels.
× “He just doesn’t think about making progress when he stays at home. Why doesn’t he charge up when he has time.”
√”He is really tired from work, so he stays at homeProbably just wanted to take a break, understandably. ”
4. Communicate honestly and seek a balance
If you still can’t agree with the other party’s ideas after empathy, then express your own ideas clearly through communication, and try to take a step back , work together to find a balance, instead of being intransigent and stubborn. “Running in”
The key lies in “grinding”, grinding away the sharp parts of yourself, and then you can “fit!”
× “Whatever you think, I will not give up my career.”
√”Now I still want to work hard again. If I fail to achieve results after 2 years of hard work, I will consider changing to a stable job and taking care of my family.”
5. Seek common ground while reserving differences, and do not change the other party
If you can neither understand the other party’s ideas nor make any concessions, then at least do not interfere with each other, and do not force the other party to change. After all, the three views are the result of long-term formation, it is difficult for you to change, and it is also difficult for the other party to change.
So it’s better to respect each other, live the life you want to live, and allow the other person to live the life the other person wants to live. After all, marriage is only a part of life, not the whole thing. Don’t pin your happiness and future on each other .
×”I love western food, if you really love me, you can go with me.”
√”It’s fine if you don’t like western food, I happened to invite friends to go, You can also go to eat hot pot with your friends.”
6. Just discuss the matter, don’t rise to the height
It’s not a big deal if the three views don’t match, the most fear is that the height will rise when you quarrel, you must rise to the height On “You don’t love me” or “You have a character problem”, it’s easy to get louder and louder.
So if you quarrel because of the disagreement of the three views, you must discuss the matter as it stands, don’t turn over old scores, don’t jump to conclusions, generalize, expand concepts, and don’t rise to heights at will.
× “If I ask you to eat Western food with me, you won’t eat it, if I ask you to learn to take pictures for me, you won’t learn, you won’t do anything for me, you don’t love me at all!”
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√”Do you really dislike western food, then forget it, we will eat other things.”
7. Avoid disagreements and selectively avoid
When you know that some issues will cause quarrels, it is best not to talk about such issues. For example, if you know that the other party doesn’t like to talk about celebrities, and they will gossip about you, then you simply don’t want to talk to him.
This is not evasion, but selective avoidance of disputes. After all, you are husband and wife, not debaters on opposite sides. The focus is on living a good life, not winning or losing.
8. Work hard, don’t take it easyTalk about breaking up
Disagreements in the three views are really not a big deal, it is a problem that every couple and husband and wife will encounter, so even if the three views do not agree, don’t say “break up” easily, try to use the above methods to ease the quarrel, resolve conflicts. After all, as long as “breakup” is said once, there will be cracks in the relationship. If you talk about it all the time, in the end, a small problem may really lead to a breakup.
9. Caring for each other and resolving conflicts with love
The three views are not the only theme in love. It is because of other advantages of the other party, because the other party treats you well, or for various other reasons.
So don’t just think about maintaining the relationship between the two through the combination of the three views, but express your love and concern for each other more, and find ways to improve the intimacy between the two and keep the love fresh , Let the other person feel your love.
When two people are close, many problems of disagreement may no longer be a problem, and even the other party will be willing to make changes for each other because of love.